My life BC (Before children)

When I think back to my life BC [Before Children], memories of good times and good friends flood me with feelings of joy and longing.  I remember thousands [OK, maybe zillions] of nights spent dancing like a crazy person in the clubs of Orlando until the wee hours of the morning. Although my memories of those days are a but fuzzy, I distinctly remember having an absolute blast and being surrounded by phenomenal people.  

Don't get me wrong, there were a few times I'd rather not think about- Like being arrested for trespassing and assault on a Police Officer after watching my bestie OD [She lived so it could've been MUCH worse] Or the night I drove my Mitsubishi Eclipse into Lake Nona [No seriously, INTO Lake Nona] Or the night I came home to my little apartment, admittedly not in the best part of town, to find my front door wide open & the lock completely disintegrated [Fear instantly replaced by Sheer Panic] after working a late night bartending shift [did I mention, with over $300 in cash on my person?] Yeah, THOSE times seriously sucked Big Donkey Balls! Thank God- they were few and far between and even provided hours of laughter to my friends when I Instant Replay-ed them later on.

My life AD [After Debauchery] seems so mild and boring when I remember some of the outfits we used to wear Raving and even think back to some of the jobs I had [Gentlemen's Club anyone?] As it stands now, its been nearly impossible for me to justify my explanation against my kids partying and experimenting once they became teenagers [my daughter is a Sophomore in High School].  No matter how Parent-like I try to convince myself to be, no matter the disciplinarian attitude I try to convey, I find myself feeling like a fraud inside.  These are not feelings I ever imagined I'd be feeling before I became responsible for my own little people.

Reconciling these very real feelings with the person I used to be has kept me up on many occasions. I'm sure I can't be the only Mother in the world with a sordid past to transform her life AD. If your out there, I'd love to hear from you. 

[Before responding, please send your reply through your Kindness Filter.  Believe me, I've beat myself up worse than you could EVER do. No judgement or condemnation necessary.]

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well-preserved body; but rather, to skid in broadside, in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up and totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW! What a Ride!!"~ Hunter S. Thompson